How To Bike-Proof Your Street
March 6th, 2007 by owenam- Obtain sufficient snow to cover your street to a depth of 8 – 10 inches.
- Resist the temptation to plow your newly snow-covered street.
- Get your friends to drive back and forth on your street for a few days. If you don’t have any friends, simply leave your street somewhere in a large city. If one of your friends shows up with a snowplow, he is not your friend.
- During this time find a source of bright, warm light and shine it on your street — but for no more than a few hours a day. Keep a sharp lookout for snowplows — those fuckers could be anywhere.
- Apply a light dusting of salt. This is a critical moment, so be sure to keep the area free of snowplows. IEDs at either end of your street should do the trick.
- 6 hours after applying salt, reduce temperature to 10 degrees Fahrenheit and hold overnight.
Congratulations! Your street is now bike-proof. This is especially important to do if your street connects to a popular bikeway.